I think you are in an abusive relationship. No, not think. Know, I know.
Even before hitting puberty, the 10 adults in my life whom I consider as my primary role models had exposed me to the various kinds of dysfunctional relationships, of which abuse was the damned cornerstone. I saw slaps thrown across faces, heard emotionally laden words hurled, was trapped between mighty mental wars.
I learned how to distrust the calm before the storm and also understood the reasons behind cheatings and divorces. But there is one thing that I’ve yet to comprehend: Why the f*ck does one still decide to stay in such unhealthy relationship? It happens and happens and f*cking happens again, with no end to the vicious cycle. Why?
I see you now, still acknowledging the relationship, still loving him, still worshipping him. Despite that. I don’t know how you do it. I don’t know how they do it. It puzzles me. It angers me more. I wish I can understand his reasons, but of course, why would he speak to me of all people? He claims he loves you, but does he? The things he does to you translate to a warped and shitty kind of love, you know? You don’t.
I can’t stop anyone from wanting to have a relationship with whoever. I can’t stop you. You’d probably not forgive me ever if I tried. All I can hope for is that he will eventually live up to the promises he made to you. Because you absolutely deserve them. You do.